


no room for doubt

by yuhlou



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Catra's POV, F/F, POV Third Person Limited, implied catradora, vague mention of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 18:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17565443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuhlou/pseuds/yuhlou
Summary: She thought that it would always be this way: Adora and Her versus Everyone Else. And Catra thought she couldn’t get any more disappointed. Tragic, how she’s always being proven wrong. Well. Whatever. (It’s better off this way anyways.)or: Catra’s thoughts in no particular order.





	no room for doubt

It seemed that there was some kind of cosmic joke Catra wasn’t in on because here they were again. Adora and Catra. Catra and Adora, near the edge of _another_ cliff. But this time there’s hesitation in Adora’s eyes, hesitation that was never there way back when. For a beat (three, according to the thump in her chest) she thinks, “ _Adora’s about to let me go_ ”. So it feels sudden when she doesn’t.

They freeze in place, or Catra freezes in place, until Adora’s gets nearer to towards the edge. Towards her. Another thought: “ _its going to happen_ ” and the hairs on her back start to feel a little tingly. It’s only made worse by the fact that Adora’s hand is also wrapped around her waist.

A small part of her concedes to the fact that she misses this.

They stare at each other for a little bit and then the next moment they’re falling.

.

Catra wasn’t too happy with her new bed. She liked the privacy part, but she’s not totally used to having it. It felt foreign. The layout of their bunks and even showers made it so that everything was shared with everyone. She was used to being part of a tangle of limbs and sheets.

The bed wasn’t even that comfortable, the provided mattress was a little more stuffed than the kind she had been accustomed too. It was too soft. So she makes a little incision under the mattress to pull some stuffing out. She lets Scorpia in her room. Sometimes.

Catra doesn’t know how it happens but when Entrapta joins their little unit she starts frequenting in the room too. Its whatever. She adds some installations to the bed to give the legs extended joints to make it taller via remote control. Another week passes by and the remote is given more buttons for weapon concealment and sensory alarms.

Catra decides that this isn’t going bad at all. Not one bit.

.

It’s annoying that they have to go through this over and over and _over_ again. Especially when Adora seems adamant about treating her nicely, all things considered. She’s seen She-Ra take out tanks and ten of their guys without so much as a hair out of place.

She’s not suspicious as to why she’s lasting so long in a fight with her. In fact, she plans to use it to her advantage because if Adora (or She-Ra or _whoever_ ) isn’t going to hit back – is going to play defensive – then Catra’s going to hit her with _everything she’s got_. She scratches and claws and pulls. She puts in all the anger and grief, channeling everything she’s been feeling into this fight.

Ado– _She-Ra_ looks at her with her too blue eyes and too light hair from a too tall angle like she’s surprised that Catra was doing this to her. Like she’s hurt. Like she has the privilege to _be_ hurt. It doesn’t soften Catra’s resolve like it used to. She doesn’t know She-Ra, she knew Adora, and she hates them both.

She keeps going and there’s no pause or hesitation before she pounces again. Catra keeps _going_.

.

They were taken in around the same time. Because even in Catra’s earliest memories Adora was already there, she was always there. It was just one of those unspoken truths when Catra had come to know. The Fright Zone was her home, she hated rain, and Adora was her best friend.

Huge emphasis on the _was_ part.

.

She’s been put in charge of all further Horde operations against Bright Moon and the Rebellion, effective immediately. Catra’s always imagined how she’d feel when Lonnie had to bite back her words. Catra watches her squirm and grip the staff in her hand tighter.

It’s taken a couple of years but she’s finally done it. It was her turn to call the shots. “Form a line, cadets.”

.

She doesn’t count on Adora letting go of her hand. She doesn’t count on her to stop walking. “Catra, no. I can’t go back, not until the Horde leaves this town alone. You have to help me.” Catra doesn’t count on Adora uttering the words that come out of her mouth.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying this is wrong. They’ve been lying to us – manipulating us – Hordak, Shadow Weaver. All of them.” The blood in her veins turn cold, then hot, all at once. How dense could she _be_? She remembers the course of an electric current curling all over her body. Something inside her _snaps_.

She remembers the punishments she received in return for doing something the old hag didn’t like. Catra remembers it _all_. And she thought – believed, really – that Adora knew, that Adora _got it_. She saw her being punished. She saw her get tortured as she stared helplessly from the side.

Catra’s muscles tense, her next thought is maybe Adora stared and watched and kept quiet was because she thought Catra _deserved it_.

It takes seeing a village full of people they didn’t know, randoms they had no connection to for Adora to make a stand. But she’s looking at Catra with confused eyes so she unfurls her tail.

It doesn’t really matter what the Horde does. It was still them against all the odds. It was still Adora who looked out for her when Lonnie and the others pushed her around. It was still her best friend at the age of six letting out a terrified plea to their caretaker to _please stop, she didn’t mean to_.

And yet Adora’s next words are this: “I’m not going home, Catra. I can’t, not after everything I’ve seen.” She’s saying other things too but Catra is stoic, then furious, all at once.

Catra is fully aware of what she does next.

Adora falls on the ground and it surprises her how easy it is to hurt someone she considered– Adora starts moving.

Catra’s angry, then worried then annoyed then afraid, all at once.

She zaps her a second time.

.

“Why risk it?”

They’re crossing another chasm, near another edge, inside the ruins of a civilization Catra knows nothing about. Catra doesn’t even think about it when she grabs Adora’s wrist to keep her from falling. She shouldn’t be let down to be shown time and time again that Adora apparently never got her.

“Did you really think I’d let Shadow Weaver just erase your memory like that?”

“I don’t know. Probably.” It's disappointing to say that Catra isn’t disappointed, not even a little bit. She’s known for awhile that Adora had always taken things at face value and Catra’s given her plenty of false leads.

It can still sting sometimes though.

.

They’re young and they’re sitting on their bed with a blanket as her shield. Someone tugs it off her head and Catra lets out a hiss. Adora makes a promise she can’t keep.

The most tragic thing? Catra believes what she says. She carries it with her and remembers it every time Lonnie makes a remark. She holds on to it every time Shadow Weaver finds something else to nitpick. In every training session, in every whisper they exchange at night.

In every fight they have.

In every hit and blow that she knows was supposed to hurt a lot more.

In every offer she makes for her to _come join her_ and _we can stop this together_.

But she doesn’t need to hold on to empty promises or unspoken secrets or shared experiences. She’s here, she’s got what she wanted and she’s better than she ever was hidden in a shadow.

.

Again, another edge of another cliff. Adora’s barely hanging on and she looks absolutely betrayed. _Good_. She pulled her out of situations like this dozens of other times. She’s been pulled out of them dozens of times too.

Adora and Catra. Catra and Adora. And she _finally_ gets the joke.

She doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t even take a moment. It was an action so unlike what Catra would have done way back when. She hear's Adora's screams as she fell farther and farther down – desperate and pleading and mad, all at once. Catra hears Adora scream her name.

**Author's Note:**

> pumped this whole thing out as fast as i could because _i was inspired as heck_ so please excuse the errors or typos if there are any (and i'm sure there's a bunch of them). i hope catra's voice was done well enough, i wanted to make the voice as messy and rash as possible when the instance allowed it because i felt like that was how it'd play out. anyways leave kudos/comments and stuff idk i don't wanna tell people how to live their lives.
> 
> fun fact: aj michalka voices both catra and stevonnie from steven universe. a huge part of this fic (as well as the title) is inspired by her singing the song escapism. everyone needs to hear that beautiful song because _wow_. u guys can also imagine catra singing that song, its a big OOF. or at least it is to me.
> 
> (if anyone wants to talk about the show w me my tumblr is maheswarannn.tumblr.com)


End file.
